What Happened/Transcript

This is the transcript for "What Happened," the eighth episode of Season 2 of One Day at a Time. Previous Transcript Next >>

Scene 1: Hospital Room

A younger Penelope with straight hair sits in a hospital bed, looking nervous. A nurse named Ariana enters, holding a baby.

ARIANA: Here she is! Ten fingers, ten toes. She gives Penelope the baby. Do we have a name for her yet?

PENELOPE: Elena Maria Alvarez Riera Calderón Leyte-Vidal Inclán.

ARIANA: So that's a yes.

PENELOPE: Yeah.

A caption on the screen reads 2001. Victor enters, with a wheelchair.

VICTOR: Can't believe they're letting us take her home. Last time I changed her diaper, I left my watch in there.

PENELOPE: I know, I heard her butt ticking and thought it was gonna explode. And then it did!

ARIANA: Since you're recovering from a C-section, no intercourse for six weeks.

VICTOR: Six weeks?

ARIANA: (sternly) Six weeks.

PENELOPE: I don't know if I could wait six weeks. (Wincing in pain) Oop, yep, I can. I may never have sex again.

LESLIE enters, sighing. He has a full head of brown hair. He looks surprised to see Penelope, Victor, and Elena.

LESLIE: Sorry, I was told that this room was empty. This is usually where I come to cry. Oh, look at your beautiful baby!

PENELOPE: (scared and hesitant) Thank you...

LESLIE: You know, they're so great at this age, before they can talk. My girls, they're off in college. That's nice! Now my wife can yell at me in peace. Everything's fine.

VICTOR: Are you one of our doctors?

PENELOPE: And if you are, how do we get a new one?

LESLIE: (Chuckles) That's funny! I'm Doctor LESLIE Berkowitz. I'm a GP that works in the building. But I love coming down to the maternity ward. I find it so comforting. Especially after I've lost a patient.

PENELOPE: Oh, I'm so sorry.

LESLIE: Oh don't worry, he's very much alive. He just hates me. (tearing up) And now here come the tears again. I'm just going to find a broom closet somewhere. (Thumbs up) Everything's fine. (He leaves)

VICTOR: (laughs) Wow.

PENELOPE: Yeah, I pity the sorry-ass nurse that has to work for that guy!

VICTOR: Alright, you ready to go?

PENELOPE: Wait, what about the car seat?

VICTOR: (Takes the baby) I installed it perfectly.

PENELOPE: Okay.

VICTOR: Then your father reinstalled it.

PENELOPE: Of course.

VICTOR: And then your mother reinstalled it again. And then they started arguing, and then they started making out. When I left, they were salsa dancing in the parking lot. (Penelope gets in the wheelchair and takes the baby) You know what we need? A safe-word, for when our parents start invading our space. We'll make it military so they don't understand.

PENELOPE: How about FUBAR? My mom will think it's a Chinese nightclub.

VICTOR: Yes! (Goes across the room)

Penelope winces in pain.

VICTOR: Oh. Does it hurt?

PENELOPE: A little. It's good. If this one ever gives me lip, I'll say "They sliced me open, put all my organs on a plate just to get you out of me, so zip it!"

VICTOR: I like this. You're the bad cop. Which means I'm the good cop. (sighs) I can't even imagine making this girl mad at me.

Scene 2: Alvarez Living Room

Present Day. Penelope and Lydia are at the table. Elena enters angry, with Alex behind her.

ELENA: Don't talk to me!

ALEX: Calm down! You're totally overreacting!

ELENA: Overreacting?

PENELOPE: Hey! Hey! What's going on here?

ELENA: He's been lying about having a girlfriend!

LYDIA: (Gasps, stands up) Papito's gay too? I will be the only woman he has ever loved? Okay, I'm good.

ELENA: No, the P in his phone was Papi. He's been sneaking behind our backs and seeing him.

PENELOPE: What? Your papi's back in the country? Since when?

ALEX: About three weeks ago. He has a month off and he's staying with Tía.

PENELOPE: And you've been seeing him without telling me?

ALEX: It's not as bad as it sounds. I knew you wouldn't like it, so I made up a girlfriend, then met Papi in secret so you wouldn't find out.

PENELOPE: No, that's as bad as it sounds!

LYDIA: Papito, you are making me side with Elena, and it's very upsetting.

PENELOPE: Listen, Alex, I'm not upset because you saw your father. You should be able to see your father. I'm upset because you lied to me.

ALEX: Papi said it was easier this way. You all hate him, so why make trouble? This way everybody's happy.

LYDIA: We are not happy! I should be smothering you with kisses right now, but instead I am frowning! Ay, my lips are so confused!

ELENA: I thought you had my back, Alex. You know what he did, but I guess you're fine with it, huh?

ALEX: Elena...

ELENA: No, I will never forgive you for this!

Elena leaves.

ALEX: (Sighs) What are we supposed to do, Mom? Ignore him forever?

Alex leaves.

LYDIA: Hmm, es posible. I have not spoken to my sister Mirtha for over twenty years. What she did was unforgivable.

PENELOPE: You don't remember what it was, do you?

LYDIA: She knows what she did.

Scene 3: Alvarez Living Room

A flashback to 2001. The apartment is sparsely decorated, with boxes everywhere. The Alvarezes are just starting to move in. Lydia and Berto enter with boxes. Lydia has short brown hair.

LYDIA: Mirtha says she returned the mantilla, but I know she stole it. I will never forget this as long as I live!

BERTO: Ay, mi vida, it is a piece of lace. We will get you a new one.

LYDIA: Pero Berto, this shawl is from Spain. It belong to my abuelita who stole it from her abuelita's sister!

BERTO: (Sets a box down) Mi amor, put away your anger. Let's focus on our beautiful granddaughter, and enjoy seeing our Lupita in the glow of motherhood. Mirala.

Penelope enters, tired, with Elena in the stroller.

PENELOPE: I may have just peed. Anyway, I'm sorry I was gone so long. I fell asleep in the lobby. (Sits on the couch) Ay...

Lydia sees Elena.

LYDIA: Bueno, I cannot believe you took Elena out in public looking like that.

PENELOPE: Mami, for the last time, a baby does not need earrings!

LYDIA: It is embarrassing! How will they know it is a girl?

BERTO: Perhaps the pink bow, the pink blanket, the pink cross around her neck...

LYDIA: And the earrings tie it all together! It only takes two minutes to pierce one ear. It takes six minutes to pierce the other because they know what's coming. (To Berto) So get me a piece of ice and a safety pin.

PENELOPE: Papi, no! Mami, ya! Es mi hija, y mi decisión.

A younger Schneider enters. He has blonde hair and typical California surfer clothes.

SCHNEIDER: What's up? You guys are Mexican, right? I recognize the lingo.

Penelope stands up.

PENELOPE: Actually, we're Cuban, sugar ray.

SCHNEIDER: I love Cuba! I've been there four times! You guys get back a lot?

BERTO: No, we were forced to free our homeland.

SCHNEIDER: (Hits his chest) Respect!

PENELOPE: Who are you?!

SCHNEIDER: Schneider, property manager. Here are your keys. (Gives her keys) Now don't get attached, job's just temporary. My father owns the building.

PENELOPE: (to her parents) Ahh, por eso.

SCHNEIDER: Yeah, I'm just doing him a solid, I'm really a musician. I play a lot of rap-rock-ska. I'm like a male Gwen Stefani. A Glen Stefani.

BERTO: How intriguing! May I ask, do you speak Spanish?

SCHNEIDER: Not a word.

BERTO: Ahh... (To Penelope and Lydia) Ya no puedo con este cabrón.

Penelope and Lydia stifle their laughter.

BERTO: I'm going to make sure we got all your boxes from the truck.

Schneider puts his hand up for a high five. Berto leaves him hanging and leaves. Schneider walks to Elena.

SCHNEIDER: Oh, cool baby! Wow. How old is the little guy?

Lydia accusingly points to Penelope, as if to say "I told you so."

PENELOPE: She is five weeks old.

Elena cries.

PENELOPE: And awake again? Will someone tell my precious little angel to go to freakin' sleep?

LYDIA: (picks up Elena) I don't know why, but every time I put a dress on her, she spits up.

Lydia leaves.

SCHNEIDER: So... you're a single mom?

PENELOPE: Happily married to my husband who just got out of the army.

SCHNEIDER: Yeah, I'm seeing somebody too.

PENELOPE: Well, we both just got out of the army. My husband is starting up a security business with some of his buddies, and I'm going back to medical school to become a doctor. And why am I telling you all these things? I'm so freaking tired!

SCHNEIDER: Ah, you just had a baby. Ooh, word to the wise, when you're hiring a nanny, make sure she's not too hot. That's how I met my fifth mom.

PENELOPE: (Gives him a blank stare) So nice of you to stop by! Anyway...

SCHNEIDER: Oh, okay.

Penelope walks him to the door.

PENELOPE: Yeah, hiring a stranger to watch my kid would bring shame to my people, so...

SCHNEIDER: Okay, but I had four nannies, and look at the results.

Penelope closes the door on his face. Lydia enters with Elena.

PENELOPE: (to Lydia) I promise you, that bobo will never set foot in this apartment again. Ay, mami, mami, is she sleeping?

LYDIA: Yes.

Victor and Berto enter. Berto is carrying a box.

VICTOR: Caballero, por favor, let me.

BERTO: Oye, chico, I got it!

VICTOR: But I just got out of the army. I'm strong!

BERTO: I escaped Cuba, I am stronger.

PENELOPE: Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're both very macho. Can you put the box of pillows over there, please?

Berto carries the box to the dining room.

VICTOR: Hey, I just talked to Brian, and business is totally heating up. This cell phone was a great investment. Plus... (Puts cell phone in holster, poses) I look cool.

PENELOPE: Did the nurse say six weeks? 'Cause now it's seven. Okay, I think we're good! You guys can head home.

VICTOR: Hey, wait, this box says "Lydia's clothes" on it.

PENELOPE: (Reading) "Box one of thirteen?"

BERTO: It's time to talk. Um... Your mami and I have a proposal.

LYDIA: We are moving in with you.

PENELOPE: What?

BERTO: Mi vida, you have to put it in the form of a question so they think it's their decision.

LYDIA: Oh, of course, I am so sorry. Are we moving in with you? Yes.

Penelope nods her head no.

BERTO: It's not enough that enough that we're close by. You need Double A, twenty-four seven.

PENELOPE: Double A?

BERTO: Abuelito, and Abuelita!

LYDIA: (chuckles) You are so clever! Dame un beso! (Kisses him passionately)

PENELOPE: FUBAR!

VICTOR: Okay, I mean, we could convert the dining room into a bedroom. Put up a curtain?

PENELOPE: Wait?

LYDIA: A curtain? Never! A curtain is just a wall with no self-respect!

VICTOR: Okay, then you can take the bedroom next to ours.

PENELOPE: (Laughs) Victor, stop talking!

Penelope and Victor go to the kitchen.

PENELOPE: What are you doing? They can't move in with us! And they definitely can't move into the bedroom next to ours, okay? They are VERY affectionate.

Victor and Penelope turn around to see Lydia and Berto making out on the couch. Penelope closes her eyes.

VICTOR: Okay, look, we said all that before we realized how hard this was. Look, I'm opening a business and you're going to medical school. Look how tired you are!

PENELOPE: No, I just have my eyes closed so I don't have to see that. (Points to her parents, who are still making out)

VICTOR: Hey, what's the big deal? We're Cuban. Literally everybody we know who has a baby lives with their parents.

PENELOPE: 'Cause I just wanted to be the first, you know? Like the first Cubans to go to the moon. It's never happened before!

VICTOR: This will help us get on our feet, okay? It's an investment in our future.

They hear the baby crying and see Lydia taking care of her.

PENELOPE: Okay. But we are not living with them, they are living with us.

VICTOR: Whatever you need to tell yourself.

They enter the living room.

PENELOPE: Hey, Double A. We have decided that you can move in with us.

BERTO: A toast. (Brings them a tray of alcohol) To you, Victor, my darling Lupita, my sweet angel Elena. Truly today is the first day of the rest of your lives.

PENELOPE: Gracias, papi.

BERTO: Salud.

EVERYONE: Salud.

They take a drink.

LYDIA: And I promise, we will stay out of your hair, and we will respect your boundaries.

PENELOPE: Gracias, mami.

LYDIA: Mm-hmm.

Penelope looks at Elena, who now has earrings.

PENELOPE: Did you pierce Elena's ears?

Lydia laughs. Penelope picks Elena up.

LYDIA: She didn't even cry. She was one tough baby.

PENELOPE: I wanna be mad, but she looks so cute!

They all look at Elena and do baby talk.

PENELOPE: She looks so cute.

Scene 4: A Relative's Apartment

Victor is sitting in a modern looking apartment, where he is staying. There is a knock at the door and he answers. Its Penelope. She enters without saying a word.

VICTOR: Okay, so I'm guessing you've figured out I've seen Alex a couple of times.

PENELOPE: You thought it was okay to go behind my back and see him without telling me?

VICTOR: I'm sure you would have liked it if I cleared it with you first, but I'm only in town for a little while. And in my defense, I didn't think I'd get caught.

PENELOPE: Victor, cut the crap and explain yourself.

VICTOR: It was just easier this way, okay? Look, you don't want to see me, I don't want to see you. And I got to see Alex.

PENELOPE: He can't be sneaking around on me, he's my son.

VICTOR: Well, he's my son too, and I have a right to see him.

PENELOPE: Yeah, you do. You also have a right to see your daughter.

VICTOR: I'm pretty sure she's not my biggest fan right now.

PENELOPE: Gee, why do you think that?

VICTOR: I know what I did. I was mad! But I told you to keep this gay... whatever thing between us! And then you parade her in front of my family and friends in a suit? Come one, obviously you were telling everybody!

PENELOPE: I am not going to explain to you why all of that is so wrong.

VICTOR: Good, because I've already heard it all from Alex.

PENELOPE: Well, good for him. But even if you still have issues with me, what? You're just never going to talk to your daughter again?

VICTOR: Oh, come on, of course I will.

PENELOPE: When? Because it's been almost a year! (sits down) I don't understand what happened. Back when she was a baby, I have never seen a person love someone so much.

Scene 5: Alvarez Living Room

It's the next day, back in 2001. Victor is holding Elena, singing a Spanish lullaby.

VICTOR: (Singing) Esa niña linda, que nació de día, quiere que la lleve a la dulcería. Alright, this isn't working out. How about Bootylicious?

Penelope enters in her night clothes.

PENELOPE: Oh my God, babe, have you heard of this thing called sleep? After you do it, you're not tired anymore. Big fan, highly recommend it!

VICTOR: Yeah.

They kiss, Penelope sees coffee brewing on the counter.

PENELOPE: And there's coffee too? I can get used to this!

Lydia opens the sliding glass window in the kitchen, startling Penelope.

LYDIA: Buenos días, Lupe!

PENELOPE: Well, now I don't need the coffee.

LYDIA: I just discovered this! It is fantastic! It makes everything so... (closes and opens the sliding window) dramatic!

PENELOPE: I'm glad you're happy.

LYDIA: I'm more than happy, Lupe. This apartment is heaven. I will never leave.

PENELOPE: (closes the blinds) I like this thing too.

Elena cries.

PENELOPE: Let me get her, she must be hungry.

Penelope sits on the couch, Victor gives her Elena. Penelope puts a towel over her and breast feeds her.

VICTOR: I think I'll get some breakfast too. (Points to her breasts) Although that looks good.

PENELOPE: Yeah, I'm real sexy right now, get out of here!

Victor leaves.

PENELOPE: Okay, you eat, while Mommy finds out where in the world is Matt Lauer.

Penelope turns on the TV. She turns on the news.

KATIE COURIC: ...from Boston to Los Angeles, but we're just getting initial reports of that. Again, we must tell you we're trying to get as much information but it is trickling in at a very slow pace. So all of this is unconfirmed. And of course, speculation of a terrorist attack is unconfirmed, although, that is what some Pentagon officials are saying.

PENELOPE: Babe, come here. (Victor enters) Babe!

VICTOR: What's wrong?

PENELOPE: Look what's happening in New York.

KATIE COURIC: Let's go to President Bush right now.

PRESIDENT BUSH: Ladies and gentlemen, this is a difficult moment for America. I, unfortunately, will be going back to Washington...

That night, the whole family is in front of the television, watching the news.

PRESIDENT BUSH: None of us will ever forget this day. Yet we go forward to defend freedom, and all that is good and just in our world. Thank you. Good night. And God bless America.

LYDIA: Qué horror...

Berto comforts Lydia.

VICTOR: Lupe, can I talk to you?

PENELOPE: Yeah.

Penelope gives Elena to Lydia and she goes to the kitchen.

VICTOR: I spoke to Brian earlier.

PENELOPE: Does he know anything?

VICTOR: No. But he's re-enlisting.

PENELOPE: Oh... Alright, you can run the business by yourself.

VICTOR: Lupe, I'm re-enlisting too.

Penelope sighs.

VICTOR: Yeah, I have to.

PENELOPE: I get what you're feeling, babe. And I'm feeling it too. But we had a plan. Finish our service, get our careers going, and then start our family.

VICTOR: I know. That was yesterday. All the training, and the drills, and the sacrifice... That was in case something like this happens.

PENELOPE: We have a five-week-old daughter.

VICTOR: Yes, and she is why I'm doing this. Look, she's so pure and innocent, and perfect... There is no way I'm gonna let her grow up in a world where that happens.

PENELOPE: (sniffling, crying) If this turns into war, you're infantry, and then you could--

VICTOR: Baby, baby, baby, I have a responsibility to protect her future and her freedom. That's what a soldier does. And that's what a father does. Okay?

PENELOPE: Well, then, I'm gonna re-enlist too.

VICTOR: No, you don't have to do that.

PENELOPE: I know, but I want to. We'll move back on post somewhere. It's the best chance for all of us to be together.

They hug.

PENELOPE: And hopefully, this doesn't turn into anything. But you're right. We need to do this.

Penelope looks at her parents, who are taking care of Elena on the couch, watching the news.

PENELOPE: I don't think I can tell them.

VICTOR: I get it, but they'll understand. They had parents that had to make difficult decisions so they could be free. (Wide shot of Lydia, Berto, and Elena) We're doing the same for Elena. It's all about her.

Wide shot of baby Elena.

Scene 6: A Relative's Apartment

Penelope and Victor are still in the relative's apartment. Victor has been humbled by this memory, as an emotional Penelope sits on the couch.

PENELOPE: Who knows where you and I might be if...

VICTOR: I think about that every day.

Victor takes this in. There's a knock at the door. Victor answers to see Elena standing there.

PENELOPE: Elena.

VICTOR: Elena...

ELENA: No, it's my turn.

Elena's emotional, but in control. Victor takes a step back.

ELENA: You know, I've thought a lot about what happened and I'll spare you the details about the anger, and the crying, and the weight loss, and the empty space on my wall where your picture used to be. Because I've decided that there's no point in focusing on the negatives. I'd rather think about the good things that came from this, like, um... (chuckles softly) You taught me a really valuable lesson. Just because I'm gay, people will hate me without knowing anything else about me. And I always knew that was part of the deal, I just... I never expected it from my own father. (chuckles softly) But now I know not to expect the best from anyone. So thanks, I guess... Oh, and one more thing. I've learned some pretty cool stuff about myself. Like I'm tough. I'm really tough. And when I do stumble, I have the most amazing mom who is always right there to pick me up. So whatever, dude, I'm moving on with my life, I'm going to be fine. I'm just a little bummed out for you. You're gonna miss a lot of stuff and that sucks. Because I'm pretty great.

Elena stands with tears in her eyes, as Victor looks at her.

VICTOR: Yeah... (voice breaking) Yeah, you are... I'm sorry.

Finally, overcome with emotion, Victor hugs Elena. After a moment, she accepts and puts her arms around him. A tearful Penelope looks on.

Scene 7: Alvarez Living Room

Lydia is preparing the dining table. Alex is at the back cabinet.

ALEX: Abuelita, are there any batteries in here?

LYDIA: Hmm?

Alex pulls out a white piece of lace.

ALEX: What is this? Some kind of shawl?

Upon seeing it, Lydia gasps and drops a glass.

LYDIA: No! No! No! It is not a long lost mantilla from Spain that nearly ripped the family apart! (She hides it in her room) I should call Mirtha... Meh...

Penelope and Alex enter.

ELENA: Alex...

ALEX: What'd I do now?

ELENA: Everything. (She smiles and hugs him)

PENELOPE: We just saw your papi. He told us how you were trying to mend things between him and your sister.

ALEX: Yeah, I guess I did that. Building bridges.

ELENA: You know, Papi even said you called him a typical cisgender male. I couldn't be more proud.

ALEX: So, is everything cool with you guys now?

ELENA: Mmm... I don't know if we're cool, but we're talking. And that's a start.

PENELOPE: Come here.

Penelope and Elena give him a big hug.

ALEX: Can everyone stop hugging me?

LYDIA: Sí, back away, I haven't had my turn! Dámelo.

Penelope and Elena let him go, Lydia hugs him.

ALEX: My whole life has been your turn!

LYDIA: Hahaha!

ELENA: You better get used to this. (Puts her arm around him) I love you, dumb-dumb.

PENELOPE: See, this makes me so happy. I couldn't stand see you mad at each other. You've always been so close.

Elena and Alex smile.

Scene 8: Hospital Room

It's around 2003 or 2004. Penelope is sitting on a hospital bed with baby Alex. Victor enters with a toddler-aged Elena getting a piggy-back ride from him.

PENELOPE: Hey. Meet your new baby brother. Alejandro Alberto Alvarez Riera Calderón Leyte-Vidal Inclán.

ELENA: I hate him! I don't want a baby brother! I want a puppy!

Elena runs out of the room, leaving Penelope and Victor surprised.

PENELOPE: Well, she better get used to it 'cause we we're not getting a freakin' puppy!

Victor leaves to get Elena.

THE END